Someday my dreams will come true!

You know its so easy to give up on life, and its so easy to give up on your dreams. But there is something so different when your dream is to be a mom. You just cant give up, theres no turning it off, no letting go. I find it in some way we are like moms, you dont give up on your child, you dont stop loving them, you dont ever let go. I have never held those beautiful children in my arms, never felt that connection, but in some way i feel that connection i feel that bond and its beautiful.
I am so in love with my baby, with there eyes, with there mouth, there fingers and toes and i have never seen them. I may sound crazy but i know im not, i am just ready. Soon that dream will come true, i know it will. Whether it be IUI, IVF, or Adoption, that sweet baby will be in my arms oneday! No matter how down i am right now, how much strain it puts on me, all the fears i feel, the hopelessness it will all be worth it! So to all my friends struggling through this, remember that, no matter how your dream comes true, oneday it will and everything you feel now will be so miniscule, it wont mean a thing. What were going through makes us stronger better parents, and stronger and better people.
Going through this i know i can inspire others, and help them through this journey. There a lot of good things coming out of this journey and in the end we'll end up happier than even imaginable!

Here it is

Here it is, September 25th. Day 14pIUI, well my body is telling me AF is on her way, so therefore i will not be testing. Im just going to wait for her to show. How annoying. November 14 i will actually be moving on to an RE, thought being with my OB would be enough. I guess not! Our hope is the doctor thinks IUI with Injectables will work, because we can afford that, but my gut is saying he will want to go straight to IVF, which we just can not afford, for atleast a year : (
Im doing my best not to stress over the situation yet because he could go our way. On a good night were filling out the paperwork to be eligable for a discount based on the fact that we earn less than $60,000. So time to get all the paperwork done, theres about 20 pages total, and we have to mail in tax returns, test results, and medical records.
I feel like everything is go go go, but hey it makes time go by! Oct. 6 Duke will be leaving for Lousiana, so for about a month i will be all by lonesome. Were hoping he makes so money though. A lot of the time when the guys go TDY, they make a few hundred, so were hoping so, that way put it away for IVF, that would be awesome! Every little bit helps!!!
The weather is saying it will be 80 all weekend and then on Tuesday we may have some flurries in the rain! I cant believe it winter is coming, just not prepared. The RE's office is about 45 mins out and i HATE driving in the snow, it scares me to death! So i pray that during our treatments there is NO SNOW. I guess im so scared because hubby wrecked the car on the freeway in the snow, and it totaled our car! It was so traumatic! So now i shake when i even have to drive down the road in it! It gets so bad around here!

Is seven really lucky?

Well rumor has it seven is a lucky number....why am i not feeling so lucky? We are in the final days of our two week wait, after IUI and i am only feeling cramps like AF....nothing different nothing distinct. But really at 2 weeks pregnant would you really feel that different? Just wish i could know!
I am due to test on thursday and am feeling quite nervous. You would think after countless failures and negative tests it wouldnt phase me anymore, on the contrary it hurts even more! I feel like during this process i have lost all my friends and just become lonely. I dont wanna make people uncomfortable, and i dont want to feel left out or jealous, but i do. I just do. I just wish it wasnt so hard to live this way.
I have a long month coming up, beginning now, haha. Well this week im due to test and almost 100% it'll be NO, and then friday is the circus, then dinner with misty. October 6th Duke leaves for Barksdale, Lousiana until the 26th, then on the 27th he can rest, and the 28th he has a dental appoitment, and of course that day his Excercise kicks off (12 hour shifts) until the 8th of November, and then on the 9th he'll be flying to Florida for two weeks. When he gets home it'll be time for Thanksgiving. So it is just a whirlwind!
My friend Nicki underwent heart surgery today, they found two holes and were able to patch them up. There hoping with heart medication it will help her live a normal life. My friend Jeanie just had her beautiful baby boy, Isaac Robert Davis. Can not wait to meet him in person when she comes to Salt lake next month!

What an amazing summer....

Well summer is almost over, and i gotta say it has been quite nice, and could just be getting better! Well for starters, we took a break from infertility treatment back in March. I was quite hesitant to even take a break, but since being on one i realized i really needed it! We finished our 6th IUI in March and it failed, so we decided that was it for awhile. We enjoyed our summer break, got ourselves a bit more financially stable, almost done! woohoo! I took a vacation in August to see my family, it was much needed! We went to Panama City Beach and just had a blast, it was great to be with my family again!

For my birthday back in July i decided i wanted to go to a psychic, so well i did. I never told this man we were struggling to get pregnant, and he took my hand and said by October i would be pregnant! That i would have 3 healthy children! The problem is, in August i was with my family so it couldnt happen then, this month i was due for surgery to help my infertility, so well sept. was a bust, and then October Duke is gone TDY! So well it cant happen.

Well last week i went to the doctor to discuss my surgery and set a date, and to our surprise he insisted on doing an IUI on Sept. 11th FREE!!!! Well we were overwhelmed with excitment, we never planned on trying this month at all, and here i am on my 2WW!!! I cant believe it! I feel really good about this chance, i think it might just work! Hey 7 is a lucky number, the psychic did say even though it seemed impossible, everything fell into place on its own, so hope that is a sign of things to come and we have a little matthew or Emma growing in there! Guess we'll know soon enough.

This summer has been a great time, we went to a baseball game, the waterpark, the beach, Georgia, the inlaws came out, gotten a lot of debt under control, had several babies come into our lives and just overall enjoyed eachother!

WOW it was baby overload this summer, i flew home to be with Shana as she gave birth to her first baby, Brianne Elizabeth, born August 20, 11;46p.m. She did just amazing! Then of course Dukes cousin Arlene had her baby just a week before shana! She had a little boy named, Landen. Well just a week after Shana delievered my cousin crystal gave birth to her baby boy, Raiden! Just craziness, a cycle buddy of mine lindsey also gave birth in August, to triplets!!!! They are getting stronger everyday! Before we all know they will be home! Also my friend Jeanie who struggled to conceive will also be having her baby any day now! Then teresa another friend also who struggled with infetility is due in January! Babies galore this summer!

Next summer were hoping will be ours, we are holding on to the hope that next June we will be meeting our baby (ies). Time will tell, so were just gonna keep on being strong, that baby will be ours oneday!